Anal sex, threesomes, sitting on faces and the fear of the Lord. How do these go together you might ask?
Well, let me tell you why don’t I?! Being raised in a religious household has a way of screwing sex over for most of us. And if you were raised in one, you know exactly what I’m talking about! These are few of the things I imagine were inculcated in you regarding sex:
- it is between a man and a woman only
- it is only within the marriage arrangement (which is only between a man and a woman)
- you must repress any debased fantasies you may come up with about sex. i.e.: missionary position only please
- DO NOT STICK ANYTHING UP YOUR ASS!!!!
- do not touch yourself. Masturbation is a sin against your body and your body is holy chile!
I feel as though I could go on and on but I’ll stop here. So, yeah, if you have learned anything about what it means to fear the Lord, you certainly won’t be having anal sex, having threesomes and definitely not sitting on anyone’s face!
I find in my personal experience and anecdotes from my friends who were raised in such religious households that what I consider the most important aspect of sex – consent – is just glossed over. Certainly, the general consensus is that rape is wrong but what about the more subtle aspects of consent? Such as teaching a child that they do not have to hug an adult if they don’t want to because they have autonomy over their bodies? How about consent or lack there of within the marriage arrangement?
You see, this is where religious African parent who are so eager to get their daughters married off really fuck up in my opinion. Girls are taught at a very young age that all that matters is pleasing and being obedient to their husbands. Do whatever you must to make sure that your husband is not displeased with you. You are always reminded that the place of the woman is at her husband’s home no matter what.
This perpetuates a culture where women suffer countless abuse in the name of doing what is right for her because that is the “Christian way” or the “religious way”. For those who don’t suffer outright abuse and non-consensual violation of their person, you find that sexual repression at the very least is present.
Yes, I read Harlequin novels growing up so I understood the idea of sex and sexual pleasures as portrayed in a romance novel but that was the extent of my knowledge. When I started having sexual intercourse, I realized how non-existence my education on how to achieve sexual pleasure and how to give consent …or that in fact I could give consent. And I mean a true and resounding YES of a consent to what happened to and with my body.
Due to the above, you have a 32 year old who is deeply ashamed of my desires and fantasies. I can absolutely fantasize and maybe even talk a big game of how amazing it’d be to sit on my partner’s face, yet when it comes time to walk the talk, I freeze.
I realized how bad this was when in Cusco, Peru on our very first trip together. When it came to ANYTHING adventurous sexually, I froze completely and behaved so awkwardly. Like…where do I put my hands, do I squat or use more arms and less legs, is that too much pressure or not enough?!
I tell ya, shame is the devil. Shame and sexual repression is keeping your girl from having her best wild uninhibited sex. But you know what, I’m out here putting in the work. I am having the best sex I’ve ever had but I can’t wait to explore all the orifices that my heart desires with no shame or qualms because I already do in my head!