img_3838You know, as someone who has written extensively about consistency and even developed a PDF on consistency, I’ve only been to the gym three times in the last three months. What is the problem then? To know what to do yet not do it when we’re in the throes of hardship. What’s that about?

I can’t say that I’ve found the answer for myself because I know that working out and managing my diet would have aided my mood immensely while going through the hard time I went through in the last 6 months. After all, all that I asked of myself was show up just 3 days a week, workout for 45mins to an hour and call it quits. I know that this is a sustainable practice yet I wasn’t able to do even that.

Of course society would have us beat ourselves up about it. The 20lb weight gain, the increased aches and pains from inactivity, the sluggish digestion from too much alcohol and not enough fiber. I should feel bad for myself. I must now go on a strict diet to lose the weight and I definitely must do two a days in the gym now to “snap back.” I’m here to tell you that all that is bullshit.

These last 6 months navigating infidelity and basically having to question my whole relationship and marriage has been HARD!! So so so hard that honestly, I don’t think that I could have done much more than I did. Which was; showing up for my therapy sessions each week, journaling sometimes, meditating sometimes, noticing patterns in my behavior, being introspective, healing my inner child wounds, divesting from my co-dependency tendencies, discovering and my individuality within a relationship (within ALL my relationships), keeping my grades up in school, working and making enough to support myself and my family back home, navigating the disorientation of working night shifts….and the list goes on and on.

Yes, working out would have helped, eating better would have helped, going on hikes would have helped, not working night shifts would have helped. But alas, not every optimum choice is the ideal choice for us in many circumstances. Realizing that enables us to let go I believe. Let go of the shame and the feelings of failing because shame will certainly not get us any further – at least not sustainably.

Honestly, I don’t like the idea of spending money on clothes because I’d put on weight. I had just gotten rid of most of my clothes and working on being more minimalist and conscious in my consumption of fast fashion and also because I have a spending habit that I’m working on resolving. But here I am with most of my clothes not fitting and having to spend money I don’t want to spend on new clothes and that’s just what it is for now.

Actually, I want to talk later about what weight fluctuation does to our wallets and why that might be a legitimate reason to maintain a certain weight range even when we’re not being diet crazy. If you’re someone that aims to maintain a certain weight or size, why would you say it’s important to you?

Love,

Christabel

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